Changing Seasons

My mishmash of thoughts from throughout the day.

Roll film.

I thought autumn was my favorite season. I was wrong. It's the in-between times that are my favorites. When summer is turning to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring, and spring to summer... I get my favorite season 4 times a year!

There's just something about it... like all of life is athrob with possibilities. You can literally feel the vibrations of the world around you as they soak richly in through your senses.

Today was the kind of day that, had I had a choice and a beloved to share it with, I would have
a.) Spent a leisurely morning cuddling and making breakfast together with all the curtains up and the windows open and music playing lightly in the background.
b.) Packed a picnic lunch and driven deep into the wilderness, then take a walk/hike further into nature and enjoy nature, each other, and a yummy lunch.
c.) Drive back home as the sun sets, invite friends over, order pizza and watch a movie together/play board games.

Sigh.

Such is the fantasy life I create for myself. Is it so wrong to want someone to share these beautiful days with? Is it so wrong to want to actually apply the things I'm learning about relationships? Is it so wrong to want a companion to encourage me and teach me to encourage?

I've acknowledged the fact that at least part of me would actually like denominational schooling... but it's too expensive. It's probably not all it's cracked up to be, anyway.

Sometimes a little understanding goes a long way. I have heard that from so many people lately... over and over again. But how true is it? What good am I if I can't help anyone? Just, "Yup. Been there, done that. Sucks, huh? Sorry." I want to HELP people! I can't even do that. I have no answers. Frustration mounts with each person who crosses my path that I can identify with. Please, no more. Tell me that there are some happy people in this world. Is everyone broken? Even the respected elder and his wife... seemingly so happy... yet their marriage is devoid of love. God, why is everyone broken?! Are there any answers? Is life all this way?? Is it just brokenness and pain until we die?


The internet will shut off in 3.... 2.... 1....

Grr.