I'm going to see C when I visit Arizona this spring. (I'm getting my crockpot back from him.) It's kind of unnerving... because he's the one I used to cuddle with.
I have all kinds of justifications lined up for anyone who might ask. I'm so over him. I would never even consider him for a relationship now, so I'm totally not in danger. Yeah, his power over me is broken now, because I've learned so much about how dysfunctional our relationship was.
Just please, let me see him one more time.
It's all true. The "justifications", they're all legit. It's truth. But I still don't want anyone to tell me I can't see him again.
Just be careful, woman. It's like playing with fire.
I wonder if he'll still think I'm beautiful. Does it matter?
Frustrating.
I vacillate between Idon'twanttobeinarelationshiprightnowandpossiblyeveragainbecauseI'msoscrewedupandIdon'twanttomessupmylifeoranyonelses
and IreallymisshavingthatspecialpersoninmylifewholovesmeandthinksI'mbeautifulandwonderfulandspecialandIjustwantsomeonetolovemeisthatsowrong?
(Do you know how hard it is to repress the urge to press the space bar when I'm typing like that?)
I've been single for two years. That's a record for me. And I'm so convinced that it's the right thing... until mornings like this, when all I want to do is cuddle and spend a happy day with my beloved.
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