It is. It's spinning. Not my head itself, mind you, but the mind inside it.

I have to go make lunch in approximately 5 minutes (we're having curry, dahl, and rice! Yeah!), but I did want to jot this down so I don't forget it... that way I can come muse on it later.

Have I been approaching this trust thing with a faulty premise? This whole time, I've been thinking, If God is trustworthy, he won't let me get hurt. Is that true? Because it doesn't seem so, if the Bible is right. (I believe it is. Already been through that one, not gonna go there again.) It seems to be more of a, God allows things bad things to happen to/around me, but he won't actually do bad things to me. Though isn't it kind of the same thing? Guilt by omission, right?

I also had a good friend add something else to my "pot" to stir around and think on, which is stepping back and looking at the situation of trust from a global, human-wide perspective, rather than just my own life. From a global, "big picture" perspective, it makes sense that God can't/won't stop all pain, because we (meaning mankind) need to understand just how awful, terrible, and downright heinous sin and all its accoutrements are. I had been thinking something along those same lines recently, too... that "hope" that I wasn't able to spit out yet.

Could it be that God is more concerned with bringing me to himself than he is with making sure that I don't experience pain? I mean, if I hadn't been hurting so badly on the inside, I never would have turned to him in the first place. But if he had stopped the abuse from happening, I wouldn't hurt in the first place. But because we live in a world that is hell-bent, literally, it stands to reason that I would get hurt by someone, somewhere, at some time. I can't just avoid pain my whole life. That's why I'm so dysfunctional in the first place, because I've been trying to do just that.

And, truly, if it weren't for the pain we experience, we'd have no need for God, verdad? If we lived in a happy little cushy bubble, we'd never feel a need for anything outside ourselves or our happy bubble. We'd never reach out. We'd die in our contentment.

Is pain a gift?

Does this mean that, if I trust God, I have absolutely no guarantees that I'm not going to get hurt badly in the future?

That kinda sucks.

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