One step at a time...

I realized that I've stopped working my 12 steps. But I got myself a sponsor who WILL hold me accountable :)

I also realized that some of the good things in my life that I've been holding on to are blocking my path to greater healing and freedom. They're good, but they're not the best that God has in mind for me.

Got a job offer to go travel around southern Cal to different Adventist schools and pump up Cedar Falls Camp. Apparently, they had an employee go psycho and kill another employee, with plans to murder ALL the employees there. Needless to say, it damaged the camp's reputation, so they need someone to help boost the camp's image back up. It's a package deal, from what I understand-- I'd also work the summer camp. Plus I get a camp shirt. What more could I ask for? lol. And though this only came up on Thursday, I've spend the past few days praying and thinking, and while I still have a few questions, I've decided that if they come back and still want me, I'm going for it. After all, I'm young, single, and the job fits my interests and skills. It's a short-term job, so if I absolutely hate it, I'm not tied down. Plus, I get a camp shirt. (Oh, wait... I think I said that already. ^_^) I was totally transparent with them about my counseling and where I am with God, as well as my food allergies... and they were still really interested. Huh.

The internet is going to shut off in just a few minutes. It's a mild irritation that breeds mild frustration... more about that in a later post, I guess. I don't have the time to delve into that right now.

But as I was talking to D and C about my family's history, I realized that God has, in fact, been creating spaces for me to fill along the way. D's sermon today was about the charges Satan brought against God, and how God answered those in the Creation Week, and in the act of creation itself. It was really cool. One thing that particularly stood out to me, though, was the point that in the first 3 days, God prepared the spaces for things to go. He made dark and light, he separated the waters, and he brought up dry land. He took his time, and created spaces for the things he knew he would later create to occupy. Then, on the 4th day, he made food for all the creatures he was about to put in their designated places.

Anyway, it just really encouraged me that God is in the business of creating spaces. He's done it for me over and over. I especially see it with the family, and with Julene and Celebrate Recovery. I mean, he created this perfect little nest for me to experience meaningful growth and healing for the first time.

This doesn't mean that I'm over my trust issues. But it is not something that I will refuse to consider. I still don't know why God didn't stop any of my abusers. I know he could have, and I know he has done it for other people. And, honestly, that bothers me. It's something I'm searching out for myself right now. But this thought of God creating a space for me to be helps me understand a little more of who he is and whether or not I ought to trust him.

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