Still here

I know I've not been particularly vocal lately. I'm just lying low, drugging myself into sleep with Benadryl/Unisom/Ambien, trying to make it through this painful and difficult time. I am not as sick as I anticipated, or as sick as I've been in the past when having problems with pain meds, but I chalk that up to the fact that I had the foresight to drop down to half doses rather than let myself run out completely.

I've got a few whole ones stashed away for tomorrow, which is the day we visit the Ren Faire. I only need a few good hours, then I can go back to being an absolute wreck.

I'm terrified of what's going to go down on Monday… hopeful, yet anxious. I don't dare contemplate what fate will befall me if I am refused pain meds out of hand. I have a plan, should that transpire, but it's nothing anyone who loves me wants to hear about. I did tell my husband, to a degree, so he knows but it's not something I prefer to dwell upon.

Here's hoping things go well on Monday and I can become a person again.