I just got out of a meeting with Father B about our wedding ceremony. He had previously agreed to be our officiant, and after meeting with the photographer I realized that I needed to get cracking on ceremony details. (Who knew that decorations aren't all there is to a wedding?)
Well, there's just this one thing... Father B is very, very Episcopalian. Which is not a bad thing. I've visited his church and pretty thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the "visitor haze" I always wrap myself in the first couple of times in a new church.
Anyway, the ceremony is also very, very Episcopalian, and he's pretty much tied in regards to what he can change and what he cannot.
It's not bad, but it's very much a church wedding. Which, again, isn't bad, but it isn't exactly what I had envisioned... especially since I'm not "churchy" anymore (even when I was, I still didn't envision the standard church wedding, call me a renegade if you will), and given that C's an atheist, well... He's willing to have some God stuff in the ceremony, but even I'm not totally comfortable with the ceremony. It's just... I mean... I don't really need the Episcopalian church's blessing on my marriage! lol
Here is the "abbreviated" ceremony outline that Father B would follow (since the real formal one just isn't what I want at all).
"...the man and the woman, together with their witnesses, families, and friends assemble in the church or in some other convenient place.
1. The teaching of the Church concerning Holy Matrimony, as it is declared in the formularies and canons of this Church, is briefly stated.
2. The intention of the man and the woman to enter the state of matrimony, and their free consent, is publicly ascertained.
3. One or more Readings, one of which is always from Holy Scripture, may precede the exchange of vows. If there is to be a Communion, a Reading from the Gospel is always included.
4. The vows of the man and woman are exchanged, using the following form:
'In the name of God, I _____, take you ____ to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.'
5. The Celebrant declares the union of the man and woman as husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
6. Prayers are offered for the husband and wife, for their life together, for the Christian community, and for the world.
7. A priest or bishop pronounces a solemn blessing upon the couple.
8. If there is no Communion, the service concludes with the Peace, the husband and wife first greeting each other. The Peace may be exchanged throughout the assembly. (Note: "The Peace" is a greeting, goes something like, 'The peace of Christ be with you', but it gets abbreviated to 'Peace of Christ', or even just 'Peace'. The hippie in me likes the last abbreviation ^_^)
9. If there is no Communion, the service continues with the Peace and the Offertory. The Holy Eucharist may be celebrated either according to Rite One or Rite Two...
So, you can see why I'm having my doubts... I wanted Father B to officiate, to be sure, but... I never wanted an Episcopalian wedding. I always figured I'd get to craft my own ceremony.
Also, been having doubts about the honeymoon. I mean, sure I've priced it out to be like, $800, which is really not a lot of money as far as honeymoons are concerned. However... that's almost a thousand dollars, a sum which could be applied towards the "future home" savings fund. I would rather have a nice home than a trip to Flagstaff any day. Plus we're already planning on taking a trip to the Ren Fair the weekend before the wedding.
So, these two concerns percolated in my mind on the drive home today, and I thought... why don't we do something a little out of the ordinary? I ran the idea past C, and he says he'd have no problem with it, but one logistic would require some thought. I agree, and I'm totally willing to put the work in and compromise some to get a wedding that's way, way more along the lines of what's true to C and I.
What if we hit up a courthouse and get legally married the week before the wedding, go to the Ren Fair as planned but stay in a nice hotel and have that be our honeymoon, then come back and welcome all the friends and family and whatnot and have a nice celebration in the park together as planned? And since we'd be legally married, and we don't care about being blessed by a church, anyone that we wanted to could officiate the ceremony. Then we'd have the freedom to make it exactly what we wanted. C says that the only concern would be finding the right person to do the ceremony, but otherwise he's got no problems with it.
I'm still going to ask C to look over the Episcopal service, on the off chance that he doesn't mind it. But when I mentioned it to him, he gave me the wide eyes and said, "Yeah, well, if you're having second doubts about it..."
Yeah, well...
So, we'll see what evolves from this. The neat thing is that Father B was totally cool with (even promoting!) the idea of getting a justice of the peace if the ceremony isn't something we're comfortable with. And C agrees that he'd still come to the wedding, but as a guest. Since he was the one who did our pre-marital counseling, I really want him to be a part of the wedding somehow, even just as an invited guest. Plus he's a really neat guy. I like him a lot.
Well, there's just this one thing... Father B is very, very Episcopalian. Which is not a bad thing. I've visited his church and pretty thoroughly enjoyed myself, despite the "visitor haze" I always wrap myself in the first couple of times in a new church.
Anyway, the ceremony is also very, very Episcopalian, and he's pretty much tied in regards to what he can change and what he cannot.
It's not bad, but it's very much a church wedding. Which, again, isn't bad, but it isn't exactly what I had envisioned... especially since I'm not "churchy" anymore (even when I was, I still didn't envision the standard church wedding, call me a renegade if you will), and given that C's an atheist, well... He's willing to have some God stuff in the ceremony, but even I'm not totally comfortable with the ceremony. It's just... I mean... I don't really need the Episcopalian church's blessing on my marriage! lol
Here is the "abbreviated" ceremony outline that Father B would follow (since the real formal one just isn't what I want at all).
"...the man and the woman, together with their witnesses, families, and friends assemble in the church or in some other convenient place.
1. The teaching of the Church concerning Holy Matrimony, as it is declared in the formularies and canons of this Church, is briefly stated.
2. The intention of the man and the woman to enter the state of matrimony, and their free consent, is publicly ascertained.
3. One or more Readings, one of which is always from Holy Scripture, may precede the exchange of vows. If there is to be a Communion, a Reading from the Gospel is always included.
4. The vows of the man and woman are exchanged, using the following form:
'In the name of God, I _____, take you ____ to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.'
5. The Celebrant declares the union of the man and woman as husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
6. Prayers are offered for the husband and wife, for their life together, for the Christian community, and for the world.
7. A priest or bishop pronounces a solemn blessing upon the couple.
8. If there is no Communion, the service concludes with the Peace, the husband and wife first greeting each other. The Peace may be exchanged throughout the assembly. (Note: "The Peace" is a greeting, goes something like, 'The peace of Christ be with you', but it gets abbreviated to 'Peace of Christ', or even just 'Peace'. The hippie in me likes the last abbreviation ^_^)
9. If there is no Communion, the service continues with the Peace and the Offertory. The Holy Eucharist may be celebrated either according to Rite One or Rite Two...
So, you can see why I'm having my doubts... I wanted Father B to officiate, to be sure, but... I never wanted an Episcopalian wedding. I always figured I'd get to craft my own ceremony.
Also, been having doubts about the honeymoon. I mean, sure I've priced it out to be like, $800, which is really not a lot of money as far as honeymoons are concerned. However... that's almost a thousand dollars, a sum which could be applied towards the "future home" savings fund. I would rather have a nice home than a trip to Flagstaff any day. Plus we're already planning on taking a trip to the Ren Fair the weekend before the wedding.
So, these two concerns percolated in my mind on the drive home today, and I thought... why don't we do something a little out of the ordinary? I ran the idea past C, and he says he'd have no problem with it, but one logistic would require some thought. I agree, and I'm totally willing to put the work in and compromise some to get a wedding that's way, way more along the lines of what's true to C and I.
What if we hit up a courthouse and get legally married the week before the wedding, go to the Ren Fair as planned but stay in a nice hotel and have that be our honeymoon, then come back and welcome all the friends and family and whatnot and have a nice celebration in the park together as planned? And since we'd be legally married, and we don't care about being blessed by a church, anyone that we wanted to could officiate the ceremony. Then we'd have the freedom to make it exactly what we wanted. C says that the only concern would be finding the right person to do the ceremony, but otherwise he's got no problems with it.
I'm still going to ask C to look over the Episcopal service, on the off chance that he doesn't mind it. But when I mentioned it to him, he gave me the wide eyes and said, "Yeah, well, if you're having second doubts about it..."
Yeah, well...
So, we'll see what evolves from this. The neat thing is that Father B was totally cool with (even promoting!) the idea of getting a justice of the peace if the ceremony isn't something we're comfortable with. And C agrees that he'd still come to the wedding, but as a guest. Since he was the one who did our pre-marital counseling, I really want him to be a part of the wedding somehow, even just as an invited guest. Plus he's a really neat guy. I like him a lot.
0 thoughts: