Wedding Wants

When it comes to planning a wedding, sometimes you have to say, "Forget what we're supposed to do, what do I want? Forget what everyone else has done, no matter how odd or awesome, what do I want to do?" I had to do that with my dress.

I'd been poring over the frothy lace and chiffon creations, trying to find the one that I loved and wanted to have my picture taken in and remember with fondness as the dress that I wore on one of my favorite days of my life, and... basically, trying to find "the one".

And I found one, several actually, that I liked and would look great in... yet I kept coming back around to the search, like I just hadn't found "it" yet.

And then I realized... I don't think there is an "it". I don't think that I will find "the one". Because, really, I could wear any one of those dresses and look gorgeous. I know it. I'd be stunning. But I can't choose them all. Choosing one inescapably means saying "no" to other options, and I had to realize that and come to terms with it. (Also, had to come to that conclusion with choosing a mate. I don't believe in "the one" when it comes to spouses, either. You will inevitably come across people in the future that you could have had a great relationship with, but you chose your spouse, and so you close the door to all others. I think that idea of "one true love" is super damaging, because if you "fall out of love" then it means that they weren't "the one" and now you must continue your quest to find "the one" and leave the one that you chose behind. It's all rather silly, and very, very painful.)

I had to sit down and think, "Okay... I have to choose one dress. What do I want? What do I gravitate towards?" Forget the lace, forget the chiffon, forget the tulle, forget what the bride is supposed to wear. They're pretty, to be sure, and I hope to someday have an occasion to wear a lacy, frothy dress and feel beautiful. But on this day, where I so much want it to be a true expression of who the bride and groom really are, what do I want?

And I realized that I want the forest green renaissance dress. I just hadn't thought it was allowed. I wanted all these other weddings that I'd seen, with the cute vintage dresses and the "we really don't care and just kind of threw it together because we're getting married and that's all that's important". I resonate with that, because it speaks to a truth within me that it is the fact that you're getting married that's important...

Yet I began to err in the same manner as when I was ingesting all that Wedding Industry materialism stuff.

I formed my thoughts around their thoughts. Only a little, but enough to make a difference.

And then when I began to take a step back and say, "What do I want?", I realized... I do want a party. I do want the pretty tables with the pretty plates with the nice centerpieces and the tasty looking cake. I do want a lot of the "weddingy" things, and that's fine.

It also, of course, is about what C wants. And he is more traditional than I am. He's not horrified by the idea of my wearing a dark green dress, but it's pretty much the major concession to weirdness that he's prepared to make. (Keeping in mind, of course, that our definition of "weird" might be a little subjective... since our roomie will definitely be attending in a kilt, and we're both happy about that.) He is steadfastly opposed to my carrying a bouquet that is comprised of anything but real flowers. (So... no pickle bouquet. As I've mentioned.) He did, however, say that I could put the pickle bouquet in a jar on the cake table, so I just might get it yet! And yet I still have to wear shoes when I walk down the aisle.

Anyway, the idea is just that... it's our wedding. What do we want? What do I want? What does he want? We have the authority to make it anything we want, and not be bound by traditions and "supposed to's" that do not apply to us.

I have to keep that in mind as I begin working on the ceremony itself.

0 thoughts:

Post a Comment