I'm about to head back to bed for a while, but I thought I'd do a little musing, since I'm up... (and finally got my big school project to submit! Finally!)
Yesterday was a good day. I was sick, very very sick at times, but it was still a good day.
B, his wife J, and their son X came over just after C and I had gotten up for the day. C had just jumped out of the shower, so was still in his towel, and I was still in bed, so I... well.. wasn't exactly clothed? (I've found it's far more comfortable to just ditch the pj's, except in cases where one might be required to jump out of bed, such as visiting friends or a fire or something. Then it is decidedly uncomfortable.) They were gracious enough to wait in the living room so we could get dressed. Too kind. Hah.
After C went to work they hung around for a while, picked up a pizza (which I didn't eat, thank you very much!), I gave B a massage, then they took off to have family time. I dinked around online, did my math homework and studied the lessons, made supper, cleaned the living room and kitchen, vacuumed, then walked over to their house to hang out until C got off of work.
I guess I put out too much effort doing all those things, because I started feeling really sick while I was there. J drove me back home, and I gave her a massage, too. We chatted for about an hour until C got home, then she left to go pick up her husband and his brother, since they were going to come over and hang out with C. While she was gone, C and I had a nice bonding time. Then everyone showed up and we all hung out on the bed/around the computer for a few hours. J and I looked at wedding stuff, and the whole group of us had loud, passionate conversations regarding different details of the wedding. It was really fun, actually.
Shortly before they left, I began feeling very, very sick again, and it was hard for me to sleep last night because I felt so ill. I got a few hours of restlessness in, but I still don't feel well at all. I'm wondering how long this is going to drag on? I want to be back in classes this week, so I'll take it easy this weekend.
C and I are going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow!!!!!!! Yay! Also, he's being switched to a different location in the jail, which is good. It means less drama, hopefully. He's happy about it. (There's a lot of stupid stuff going on right now with supervisors being jerks and other officers just being inept... but ain't that always the case? Even when Mom was working there, it was nothing but drama drama drama.)
Last night it rained. Even during the day, it was cool and beautiful, and I kept the sliding door open and the front door propped open with an axe to get a nice cross breeze. The apartment was all aired out and fresh. I loved it. I think I'll do the same today. Even the snake got excited :)
J and B are an interesting case. They got married because J got pregnant, and they fully admit that if X had never come along, they wouldn't be together. B jokes about when J is going to finally leave him, and I think he means it. But J and I were talking during her massage last night, and there are some crazy issues surrounding that relationship that leave me unsurprised as to why they would banter like that. You see, B grew up in a super-dysfunctional home. Like, worse than mine. Way worse. And he has these negative coping mechanisms and such that he's never addressed, and also he tends to try to destroy the relationships with people that he loves. He loves his wife, therefore he sabotages the relationship. Mostly subconsciously. But he also doesn't know how to communicate with her, which is a big deal.
J was raped, and has crazy PTSD. When she and B met, though, she had her coping mechanisms of drinking, sex, and working out at the gym. When she got pregnant with X, her coping mechanisms were taken away (and especially after he was born) and the PTSD reared its ugly head in a big way. Add to that the fact that her entire (large) family/support network is all the way back in Texas, and you have a lot of anxiety. B doesn't know how to deal with her anxiety. It drives him nuts. He says so. And he's a self-described (and wife-verified) a-hole, so that doesn't help. That's just how he deals with things.
So J and I have a mutual understanding borne of traumatic experiences and PTSD, which is unfortunate, but I'm glad we have that connection.
While J and B were talking about their relationship and some of the pitfalls yesterday afternoon (or "morning", for me ^_^), I mentioned how C and I had some of the same problems (like him zoning out over Diablo and my having such a problem with that, and how we worked through that), and briefly told the story of how we worked through it and how C learned to talk to me while he was playing video games and how I got okay with what he was doing, etc.
Later on that day, B made the comment that he's going to try to learn how to talk and play his games at the same time, because C figured out how to do it so he should be able to as well. (Or something along those lines. Basically, C inspired him to try, which is cool.) That's something J has been pressing for a long time, so it's music to her ears! And it's... amusing?... to me that C and I would be inspirations, role models for another couple. I just never expected it.
After C got home, I was relating this anecdote to him and he kinda smiled. Then he told me, "See? You're better at this kind of thing than you think."
"What kind of thing?"
"Being a good person, and all that."
Hah. What a cutie. I told him that I really appreciated hearing that. I also prefaced that story with how I had realized, watching B and J, how wonderful and healthy our relationship is. And it really is. That mutual respect does wonders. I know several couples who nitpick and potshot each other all the time (my grandparents included). You know, the snide little nicknames and comments, the subtle put-downs, etc. There is none of that in our relationship, and I don't think there's any place for that. Why would you put down someone you're trying to build up? I would never, ever think to call C an idiot or stupid or dumb or whatever... Okay, maybe if I was really, really steamed, but probably not even then. I may be super ticked over something that happened or the way he went about something or the way he responded to me somehow, but that doesn't make him stupid or whatever. I know he's not any of those things, and I guess it just seems to me that you tend to more easily believe what you consistently apply to a given situation or person. If I go around referring to C as an insensitive oaf all the time, I'd be more inclined to believe it, yes? (Which he's NOT, btw.)
Upon reflection, I do teasingly call him "mean", but I believe that's the farthest I ever go. And it's usually in a flirting manner, so I think that cancels it out. Incorrigible is another one, but that one is true! :)
Anyway... I just... I'm really, really grateful for my man, and for our loving, healthy relationship.
I can't wait to marry this dude!
(Speaking of which... I decided upon my forest green renaissance wedding dress, and C forbade my carrying a pickle bouquet. I'm mildly put out over that one, and hoping to convince him otherwise. Or maybe I can just have the pickle bouquet to throw?! I dunno. Oh, and yes, there is a story behind the pickle bouquet. For another time.)
Yesterday was a good day. I was sick, very very sick at times, but it was still a good day.
B, his wife J, and their son X came over just after C and I had gotten up for the day. C had just jumped out of the shower, so was still in his towel, and I was still in bed, so I... well.. wasn't exactly clothed? (I've found it's far more comfortable to just ditch the pj's, except in cases where one might be required to jump out of bed, such as visiting friends or a fire or something. Then it is decidedly uncomfortable.) They were gracious enough to wait in the living room so we could get dressed. Too kind. Hah.
After C went to work they hung around for a while, picked up a pizza (which I didn't eat, thank you very much!), I gave B a massage, then they took off to have family time. I dinked around online, did my math homework and studied the lessons, made supper, cleaned the living room and kitchen, vacuumed, then walked over to their house to hang out until C got off of work.
I guess I put out too much effort doing all those things, because I started feeling really sick while I was there. J drove me back home, and I gave her a massage, too. We chatted for about an hour until C got home, then she left to go pick up her husband and his brother, since they were going to come over and hang out with C. While she was gone, C and I had a nice bonding time. Then everyone showed up and we all hung out on the bed/around the computer for a few hours. J and I looked at wedding stuff, and the whole group of us had loud, passionate conversations regarding different details of the wedding. It was really fun, actually.
Shortly before they left, I began feeling very, very sick again, and it was hard for me to sleep last night because I felt so ill. I got a few hours of restlessness in, but I still don't feel well at all. I'm wondering how long this is going to drag on? I want to be back in classes this week, so I'll take it easy this weekend.
C and I are going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow!!!!!!! Yay! Also, he's being switched to a different location in the jail, which is good. It means less drama, hopefully. He's happy about it. (There's a lot of stupid stuff going on right now with supervisors being jerks and other officers just being inept... but ain't that always the case? Even when Mom was working there, it was nothing but drama drama drama.)
Last night it rained. Even during the day, it was cool and beautiful, and I kept the sliding door open and the front door propped open with an axe to get a nice cross breeze. The apartment was all aired out and fresh. I loved it. I think I'll do the same today. Even the snake got excited :)
J and B are an interesting case. They got married because J got pregnant, and they fully admit that if X had never come along, they wouldn't be together. B jokes about when J is going to finally leave him, and I think he means it. But J and I were talking during her massage last night, and there are some crazy issues surrounding that relationship that leave me unsurprised as to why they would banter like that. You see, B grew up in a super-dysfunctional home. Like, worse than mine. Way worse. And he has these negative coping mechanisms and such that he's never addressed, and also he tends to try to destroy the relationships with people that he loves. He loves his wife, therefore he sabotages the relationship. Mostly subconsciously. But he also doesn't know how to communicate with her, which is a big deal.
J was raped, and has crazy PTSD. When she and B met, though, she had her coping mechanisms of drinking, sex, and working out at the gym. When she got pregnant with X, her coping mechanisms were taken away (and especially after he was born) and the PTSD reared its ugly head in a big way. Add to that the fact that her entire (large) family/support network is all the way back in Texas, and you have a lot of anxiety. B doesn't know how to deal with her anxiety. It drives him nuts. He says so. And he's a self-described (and wife-verified) a-hole, so that doesn't help. That's just how he deals with things.
So J and I have a mutual understanding borne of traumatic experiences and PTSD, which is unfortunate, but I'm glad we have that connection.
While J and B were talking about their relationship and some of the pitfalls yesterday afternoon (or "morning", for me ^_^), I mentioned how C and I had some of the same problems (like him zoning out over Diablo and my having such a problem with that, and how we worked through that), and briefly told the story of how we worked through it and how C learned to talk to me while he was playing video games and how I got okay with what he was doing, etc.
Later on that day, B made the comment that he's going to try to learn how to talk and play his games at the same time, because C figured out how to do it so he should be able to as well. (Or something along those lines. Basically, C inspired him to try, which is cool.) That's something J has been pressing for a long time, so it's music to her ears! And it's... amusing?... to me that C and I would be inspirations, role models for another couple. I just never expected it.
After C got home, I was relating this anecdote to him and he kinda smiled. Then he told me, "See? You're better at this kind of thing than you think."
"What kind of thing?"
"Being a good person, and all that."
Hah. What a cutie. I told him that I really appreciated hearing that. I also prefaced that story with how I had realized, watching B and J, how wonderful and healthy our relationship is. And it really is. That mutual respect does wonders. I know several couples who nitpick and potshot each other all the time (my grandparents included). You know, the snide little nicknames and comments, the subtle put-downs, etc. There is none of that in our relationship, and I don't think there's any place for that. Why would you put down someone you're trying to build up? I would never, ever think to call C an idiot or stupid or dumb or whatever... Okay, maybe if I was really, really steamed, but probably not even then. I may be super ticked over something that happened or the way he went about something or the way he responded to me somehow, but that doesn't make him stupid or whatever. I know he's not any of those things, and I guess it just seems to me that you tend to more easily believe what you consistently apply to a given situation or person. If I go around referring to C as an insensitive oaf all the time, I'd be more inclined to believe it, yes? (Which he's NOT, btw.)
Upon reflection, I do teasingly call him "mean", but I believe that's the farthest I ever go. And it's usually in a flirting manner, so I think that cancels it out. Incorrigible is another one, but that one is true! :)
Anyway... I just... I'm really, really grateful for my man, and for our loving, healthy relationship.
I can't wait to marry this dude!
(Speaking of which... I decided upon my forest green renaissance wedding dress, and C forbade my carrying a pickle bouquet. I'm mildly put out over that one, and hoping to convince him otherwise. Or maybe I can just have the pickle bouquet to throw?! I dunno. Oh, and yes, there is a story behind the pickle bouquet. For another time.)
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