Mindful Breathing/Voice of Reason

Today was kind of a tough day there for a while. My counselor has me being very aware of my self-talk, and keeping an eye on my cycle of depression, so I'll be using this here little place to keep track of that, if I can think of it.

Anyway, I had fully intended to use today to whip out my homework and to get that website done, and I wanted to get it done right off the bat, right?

Well, ended up staying up late with my darling last night, which was nice and all, but... eight hours of sleep later, I woke up later than I had wanted. Okay, no big deal. I headed over and took care of the dogs, then came back home to achieve my goals for the day. (After all, I had done my housework yesterday, so there should be nothing stopping me, right?)

Except roomie S and his friend (my friend too, now I guess... friend-by-proxy) A were here, and A wanted me to braid her hair. After a quick lunch, I did, but it ate up a lot of time. By the time I finished with her and they left for the college, it was already mid-afternoon. At this point, I had to go back to the dogs again, but I took my homework with me. I got one subject done before the guy across the street's really annoying sub-bass booming music gave me a pounding headache (like that stuff always does), and there was no way I could concentrate on algebra. In the process of putting all the critters in their proper places so I could leave, the cat ripped a hole in my tie-dye shirt, and that seriously blackened my mood. (The shirt I made during my hippie birthday. And it's right in the middle, so there's no hiding it.)

On the drive home, I was seriously in a funk. Anxious. Irritable. Stressing. Upset.

Fortunately, my Voice of Reason chose that time to begin talking quietly and compassionately to me.

What are you so upset over? Yes, yes, I understand the shirt. But you were upset before that. Do you realize that you are freaking out over self-imposed deadlines? Neither of those things are due today, you know. You had this rigid idea of what your day should look like, and then when something else showed up, you freaked out. Why so rigid? That's not healthy, dear. Go with the flow. Roll with it. It's okay. Things happen. It's life. This is going to happen again. Learn from this.

Yeah, okay. You're right, Reason. But I still feel out of sorts and stressed. What do I do?

Okay, here's what. Go home, make a cup of tea, and do that mindful breathing exercise that your counselor recommended. Then you'll be calm and collected, and you can take care of your homework from a clear mind.

Yeah... okay. Tea. Breathing. Got it.

And that breathing exercise was great. I think it will help me to not be so judgmental of myself... more mindful. More present. Calmer.

I hope.

Anyway, I'm still in a funny place, physically, because my stomach is flipping out. Per usual. But, hey, whatevs.

I feel better, emotionally.

Oh, and did I mention that my sis is going into labor?!

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