I made a couple of decisions today that I would not have foreseen myself making a year ago... much less a few months ago!

First of all, I pierced my earlobes today! I'd been toying with the idea recently, decided to go through with it... eventually... but when K asked me to take him to Walmart today I stopped by the jewelry counter on a whim. There was an employee there, and Walmart offers free piercing with the purchase of the starter earrings and cleaning solution, which was like, 10 bucks. Easy peasy, and I'll be able to switch out the starter studs with other earrings a few weeks before the wedding, which means I can wear pretty earrings on my wedding day, should I so desire. I had previously taken pride in my "swimming against the stream" by never having pierced my ears, which was my main motivating factor in waiting this long, honestly. It wasn't conviction that it's wrong... I just liked being different from everyone else. But finally I realized that it was stupid pride holding me back from something that I actually wanted, so I threw it to the wayside and went for it while I still had the courage.

Didn't hurt. I mean, it did, but no more than a pinch on the arm would, and for about the same duration. I've endured far worse on a middling to bad day with my achy joints.

The second decision, well... I can't really talk about it. Some things must remain a secret, and this is a private matter between C and I. Let's just say I finally came to some clear conclusions about something I'd been in denial about but has been brought to my attention lately, and I decided to be true to myself and at least try out this decision to see if it's right for me and for C.

My goal for this year is to be a truly authentic person, and these decisions that I'm making, while seemingly small and trivial, all add up to the large decision to not be a faker anymore, and to not make decisions for myself out of a fear of what others will think of me for making that particular decision... or out of a fear that people will try to persuade me around to their viewpoint because they disagree with my decision. I've accepted that it's pretty much going to happen, and I need to maintain healthy boundaries to deal with that issue, rather than going about it the way that I had been, which is to make decisions based on my perceptions of other's demands and desires and expectations.

If my hypothesis is correct, then being a truly authentic person will not result in a selfish "I don't care what you think, I'll do what I want!" attitude, mindset, or way of living. My hypothesis is that when one is truly free to be oneself, then one passes that gift on to others and becomes a liberator, rather than an oppressor. I hope to become a better person who does more good and brings more light into the lives of those around her because she is freed from the shackles of expectations. That's my goal, my wish, and my dream for this year. Authenticity, and freedom.

So I made a couple of decisions that I hadn't previously thought that I would, all in the name of authenticity. (Kinda hard, especially when I know many people that would vehemently disagree with both decisions! And understandably so-- I was there at one point myself.)

So... am I better person yet? lol

0 thoughts:

Post a Comment