The Sex Talk

Fair warning-- I am going to talk about sex. Not graphically, but definitely candidly. If this makes you uncomfortable, well... better head somewhere else for a while. Or cover your eyes/ears and go "Lalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaa".

I have begun actively preparing for the honeymoon. I've had this idea for some time that I want to master a striptease dance and surprise C on our wedding night, and I know a few moves here and there from previous workshops and stuff that I've done (though I've never actually done a routine for anyone before!), but yesterday I actually started researching routines that I could learn. As I was doing that, I was thinking about how nice it would be to have some super-sexy lingerie that C's never seen before to pull this off...

... and then I realized that I needed to parcel out the funds that D gave us for the wedding. After sitting down and allocating the money to different places, I realized that I have money to put towards the honeymoon! At first I felt guilty for using money for something other than the ceremony and reception, but some encouragement from Mom helped me to see that this is, indeed, part of "the wedding".

So anyway, I did a bunch of research yesterday and settled on some really nice, yet inexpensive stuff (it was on clearance! Yay!), and I ordered it today. I need to get the stuff as soon as possible so I can start practicing with the actual clothing I'll be wearing. I'll have two outfits, of a sort. One is a super daring black dress, under which I'll have a push up bra, some sexy panties, and a garter belt (all in black lace). Of course, I'll have thigh-high stockings and some stripper heels to finish off the look, and I'm thinking that I'll probably make myself up with dramatic smokey eyes and red lipstick.

The plan is that I'll use my routine that I've created to strip out of the dress, then move smoothly into a lap dance once I'm in just the undies. From there, well... I know I'll be tired after the long day of the wedding, but I'm never too tired for a romp in the hay!

The other outfit is a "babydoll" outfit, and I'll save that for when we head over to SD for our actual honeymoon. We'll be spending the night of the wedding in a hotel (which I have also allocated funds to cover), but that's not the official honeymoon.

I had C look at lingerie websites with me a few months back, so I could get an idea of what he likes, and he really likes the feminine look, especially the "babydolls", so I figured I'd treat him :) It's funny-- I figured he'd be more of the leather straps and chains type, but I guess we do that enough normally that it's nothing special.

I'm not going to lie-- we have a great sex life. We both like the same things in the bedroom, and we both like to experiment and try new things, so we're really well matched in that area. Unfortunately, there is a mismatch in sexual appetite.

The stereotype is that guys think of sex all the time and they can't get enough and they wish that their woman would be willing to do it as much as they want to, right? Well, it's kind of the other way around for us. Not that he doesn't have a healthy libido, far from it! It's just that, well.... I want it more than he does. I was getting really frustrated recently by being shot down all the time when I made advances, so we had a good talk, and I'm learning to respect the times when he's tired or not feeling it and to communicate with him more and ask if it's a good time or not, rather than just assuming it's a good time and being hurt when he turns me down.

Interestingly, the new meds that I'm on (especially the pain killers) have affected my libido. It says right in the side effects thing that it may cause sexual dysfunction, so I was expecting to just be not interested. Right? Wrong! It's having the exact opposite effect, increasing my already prodigious sexual appetite. Previously, I would have been more or less sated with once a day, although I settled for 3 or 4 times a week minimum. Now, we could go twice a day every day, and I still would be ready and raring to go at a moment's notice. (Um, we kinda have been, much to the detriment of C's energy levels, and I'm still just waiting to jump his bones the moment he walks in the door from work.)

We had a funny conversation about it last night, agreeing that if life gets crazy and we're just missing each other left and right, we might be able to get by with once a week, although we'll definitely be pouncing on each other if that were the case. (See? Healthy libido. We're fairly evenly matched.)

Anyway, I'm working on just living with it and controlling myself, for C's sake. Poor guy. He has maintained for months that I'm "going to kill him", and now he says that my new meds are going to kill him! Sexed to death? Not a bad way to go, I think... All the more reason why he calls me his insatiable little nymph. Can't help it. I love sex. I've never had sex with anyone but C, but I'm more than happy with that. I know the neuro-psychological consequences of the constant pairing-breaking up cycle that our culture espouses, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a long term, monogamous relationship is the key to a fulfilling sex life and to a strong bond with your mate. The shacking up-breaking up cycle actually damages the brain's ability to bond, which I think is greatly contributing to the divorce rate. People sleep around before they get married, then they are unable to bond with their spouse in the way they're supposed to, making it so much easier to dissolve the marriage and move on to someone else... which, of course, adds more damage to the ability to bond, and it just goes downward from there.

I read an amazing book on this, called Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children. It's really good, and really readable. I think this is the book that really got me interested in neuropsychology. It talks about how sex is addictive, because of the neurochemicals released, and I can definitely vouch for that. It is a drug for sure. It's my anti-depressant, my anti-anxiety, my feel-good... But it's not just the chemicals. It's all that and more for me because I know that I'm in a long term, committed, monogamous relationship with someone who supports me and accepts me wholly just as I am. I think that's even more addicting than the sex itself-- it's what the sex represents and emphasizes. I mean, I can get naked in front of this guy with no fear of being judged or rejected, because he likes my physical appearance. He likes what we do together. He likes me, and I don't have to be afraid. (Even when I was struggling with really bad body acne, he still thought I was sexy!!) Talk about vulnerability and reassurance! And it's interesting to me that, even though I was molested, I still really enjoy sex. I know that it affected me in some ways, and shaped my understanding of sexuality... but C and I are working through those issues together, which just adds another layer of vulnerability, trust, and, well... love. Unconditional love. That's what makes the sex so good, why it's always been so good. We love each other unreservedly.

So I'm totally looking forward to taking a risk of sorts and doing something out of the ordinary for him on our wedding night. It's unnerving in a lot of ways to think of doing something like a strip tease... I mean, what if I look ridiculous? But I know C, and I know that he'll love it, so I'll put aside my insecurities and rock that ridiculously scandalous black dress right off! :)

Actually, when I'm finished here I'm going to hit the shops and see if I can't find a bra, some stockings, and some stripper shoes (like the ones J was gifted a while back ^_^). My stripper clothes will be here soon, and I want to get this down so I don't trip and fall on my face!! Plus, I mean, I have the money. Why wait? I've got an easy semester and a pretty high percentage of down time, so now I have a fun little project to work on while C's at work.

Also, D (C's dad's gf) is gifting me some pretty underthings soon. She told me she had seen something and thought about getting it for me, but wasn't sure... I told her that I would love that! So she got my size and is going to pick it up. That means that I have another little outfit to wear for C... and I'm thinking that I'll break that one out the weekend before the wedding when we go to the Ren Faire. We'll be staying in a hotel by ourselves, so why not? It's kind of like an anniversary of sorts... since we got back together in a hotel room on our way to the Ren Fair, almost a year ago. It'll be a month off, but who's counting? (Besides me.)

Summary: I love sex. I'm going to learn to strip and do a lap dance to blow my man away. I'm excited about this. Also, I love lacy, pretty underthings! I really do. I'm so jazzed that I get to buy pretty things :)

2 thoughts:

  • Jolene | January 22, 2013 at 7:52 PM

    LOL! I read it all! Haha! You know, those shoes of mine are awesomely sexy, come to think of it. I shall take your idea and use it for my advantage someday! :)

    I guess I've been thinking more about sex recently (gasp!!). I mean, I might be trying it out for the first time this summer! And my ideas of sex are being totally busted! I never knew it was practically an art! Wow! It's beautiful... God designed it that way.

  • Invictus | January 22, 2013 at 8:56 PM

    LOL Funny! You were the one that I would have thought would "cover her ears" ;) I ended up with a pair of 6-inch spikes that rival yours, may even be taller. I'll tell you... they are hard to walk in, but they sure make your legs and butt look good!

    It's only natural that you'd be thinking about sex more, especially if you're considering marriage and all the aspects that go along with it. Yes, sex is definitely an art. There's so much to it, and it is absolutely beautiful. I used to have so much shame about sex, because of my past, but I'm seeing the beauty in it now and it's very liberating. God designed something great :D

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