Tough but glad

Today was tough. Felt like I got hit by a train, was practically dragging myself through the day... but I made it! And it was a good day, too. My pain and fatigue do not determine the outcome of my day, thankyouverymuch :)

Went and got ice cream with D and R and C's bro D after school tonight. I was, as D put it, celebrating my clean intestines by polluting them lol. Then D (C's dad's gf) and I settled in on the couch to look at the dress ideas I'd compiled. (She wants to buy me the outfit that I'll wear to the courthouse when C and I get legally married.) Good news-- we picked one out!

This is the dress, and here's the cardigan I'll wear over it. I plan to get a pair of black panty hose, and we'll pick up a pair of shoes (something that are a pop of color) as well. Ensemble complete! As far as the color goes, I say that if marrying in black is good enough for Laura Ingalls, it's good enough for me ^_^ Also, as D pointed out, I can wear this outfit if we go out somewhere nice to eat while we're in SD for our honeymoon.

Aaaaand... that's pretty much it. Glad to be home and resting. Glad to be sitting next to my honey. Glad that C GOT PRE-APPROVED FOR HIS LOAN THIS MORNING AND WE CAN START LOOKING AT HOUSES THIS FRIDAY! Yeah. Lots to be glad for :)

Glad for good friends who stand by you no matter what... and other good friends who laugh (but not at you!) when you share shocking news.

Yep. Today was tough, but I'm still glad.

I realized today that I've been very happy lately... even about the little things. They just swell my heart. I couldn't figure out why in the world this shift, untillll.... I realized that this tramadol is doing more than I thought it was. It makes me feel like I have energy and that I'm closer to normal than I've been in a long time, and apparently it also boosts my mood. Why? Well, because the fatigue and pain (mostly fatigue) had worn me down, crushed me, and just numbed me to the point where I didn't have it in me to be happy anymore. I mean, I was happy, don't get me wrong... but in a watered-down way. Now? Now I'm happy. I feel more like a normal person than I have in a very, very long time, and that in itself is enough to make me delirious with joy. They gave me this stuff as a pain killer, but it's become like a miracle drug for me. I can put up with itchiness if it gives me my feelings back.

Yeah, still have to watch myself and make sure I don't overdo it, but man... I can't even describe what this shift is like. It's like passing from death to life. Like a color-blind person who has the ability to see color restored to them... and they live on a peacock farm.

0 thoughts:

Post a Comment