What am I worth? That question (and its cousins) has been nibbling at my mind lately. It tends to travel in the company of fear, I find.
I watched a video tonight that talked about worth. The first point the speaker brought out is that worth is subjective, meaning that the person who is looking at a certain thing determines the worth, based on the exchange that would take place. Like, “Is this airport soda REALLY worth $5? I don’t think so.” Or, “Is gas REALLY worth $5 a gallon? I don’t think so, but I have to get to work, so... I guess it’s worth it.”
The second thing the speaker brought out was that the container is usually less valuable than what’s inside the container. What do you do with an orange? You throw away the peels. (Or compost them.) A water bottle? You throw away the bottle. (Or recycle it. Or whatever.) The package is not what we’re interested in- it’s what’s inside that has the value. Well, he brought out 2 Corinthians 4:6-9, which says that “God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness has shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ. And we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” So what’s outside? The “earthen vessels”- that’s us. You and me. What’s inside? “This treasure”, which is the light of the knowledge of the glory of God- the brilliant, illuminating light of who God is, which can be found in Jesus. 
And who is God? God is love, right? And where do we see that most clearly? At the cross, when Jesus died for us. 
And, according to the theory that the contents are more valuable than the packaging, the “earthen vessels” are of a lesser value, correct? Wrong. The very act of the cross proves our value. Because, remember, worth and value are subjective. God considers me more valuable than his own existence.
I... am overwhelmed by that thought. God considers me more valuable than his own existence.
And he knew. He knew me before I was born. He had me in mind, and he knew my heart, and my struggles, and the pain that I would cause him, and the questions and the fear and the anger that would rage within my heart, and... he still said, “It’s worth it. She’s worth it. I’m going through with this anyway.”
So how can I fear that, if I make a mistake, he’s going to walk away from me, or shut me out? I mean, he considers me to be more valuable than his own life. Like, if one of the S’s, or my mom, or D, or H, or anyone else consciously chose to die so that I wouldn’t have to (because in this hypothetical situation, I am somehow doomed to death), but then was miraculously brought back to life by God or medical science or something, I would never question their loyalty to me again. I would never fear that they would just walk away and leave me in the dust, because I would know the value that they placed on me.
God is so amazing. How can he love me this much, knowing who I am? I feel unworthy... but his actions prove me wrong. Just think... he would have enacted the whole plan of salvation, just for me. That is the worth that he places on me... flaws and all. Mistakes and all- past, present, and future. I’m not done making mistakes, I’m sure. (I’d like to be!) But he knew... and he did it anyway.
So when my worth is determined to be less than invaluable... who am I going to listen to? Truly, who will I listen to?

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