Soon, sleep.

I need to be sleeping in 4 minutes. I'm timing myself.

So I've been helping H with work and stuff, it's been keeping me busy, which is good. Friday is always full, anyway, what with getting ready for Sabbath and all.

Today was a good day, too... different than I expected. Much different... but it was still good. The sermon was super intense and spoke to my heart. It revealed to me an interesting fact- I am so much more comfortable with the "God" that doesn't really like me so I need to be good to get him to like me (most of the time that's how I see him) vs. the God of mercy and love that he really is. Why is it so easy for me to push him away? Why is it so hard for me to accept his love, to accept the fact that he's already reaching out to me and that I don't have to strain on my tippie-toes to try to get his attention?

Oh. It's been four minutes. Time for sleep! I'll have more time tomorrow, before my friend's wedding.

However, I do need to record for posterity (i.e. so I don't forget!) that I asked D a very important set of questions yesterday. I had been wanting to ask for quite some time now (pretty much since we started dating), but I never felt it was the right time. I was always worried. (I'm realizing that I probably worry more than is necessary...) Yesterday, though, the questions came back to mind, unbidden, and I had total peace about asking him. It was the right time.

 He was driving when he called me, and not certain of where he was going, so he was rather distracted. Maybe not the best time to bring up serious stuff, but I didn't realize the extent of his distraction until he said, "I want to focus on this conversation, but I can't right now, because I'm not sure where I'm going exactly... Just let me get through downtown, and I'll call you back! And it will give me time to think :)"

He called back just as I was heading down the road for Vespers, so I said I'd call him later... long story short, we finally connected this afternoon (for 14 minutes!) because he briefly got cell service. It cut out again, but fortunately after we had finished our important conversation. (I dearly hope that he will have reception for our once-a-week phone calls this summer... I'm going to be rather frustrated if he doesn't.)

The questions I asked were these: 1. What do you see as the purpose or point of dating? To rephrase, what is the point of our relationship? 2. Have you grown spiritually because of this relationship? Yes or no, why or why not?

I asked these questions, being prepared that this may very well have led to a parting of ways. In my mind, the purpose of dating is to see if you are compatible for marriage, but I'm not into recreational dating ("trying out the different flavors of ice cream" etc.). I told D that I wouldn't even enter a dating relationship unless I were certain that the Lord was leading me into it, as I was about our relationship. If he's just dating me to have fun, or because he's bored, or whatever, then it's time to call this quits. I didn't think that was the case (and it's not!), but I didn't want to assume and then find out I was mistaken.

More importantly, if the relationship is detrimental to the spiritual life of either one of us, then we need to seriously re-evaluate and heavily consider dissolving the relationship. That is not the case, however. He and I are both growing closer to God because of this, and I'm glad.

I'm going to ask him the next time I talk to him to please repeat his answers so I can write them down. I wasn't feeling too well today, and I was so focused on listening to what he had to say that I didn't focus on really remembering what he said. I don't want to misconstrue what he said, so it's best for me to have it jotted down.

Anyway, today is our "one month anniversary". It's weird... I just haven't dated in such a long time. But the things that used to be so important and all-consuming in my immaturity don't really mean much anymore. A one month anniversary used to be huge. Now it's like, "Huh. That's nice. Nothing to get too excited over, though... I mean, it's only one month. We still don't know each other that well..."

(But I did just buy a book called 101 Questions To Ask Before You Get Engaged. Not that I'm getting engaged anytime soon, but it has a lot of really good questions that I intend to ask D here and there. It will definitely help me get to know him better.)

Okay, I'm twelve minutes overdue for sleep.

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