Once I realized what the cause of this bout of depression was, I felt better. I mean, not necessarily emotionally, but it feels better intellectually to realize that I'm not helplessly spinning into a black hole of despair, I'm just unbalanced. It's like being hungry and thinking, What's wrong with me? Why do I have these feelings? I'm hungry, relationally. But that's not bad or wrong. God created me with these needs. And, sure, God can fill that relational void too, but it's just not the same as another person, and God knows that. If he didn't intend for us to be fulfilled in relationship to other human beings, he never would have created Eve. Adam could have just chilled with God all by himself. But Adam realized he was alone, that something was missing...
I've realized that I'm alone. Something's missing. I'm lonely.
And now that I recognize and acknowledge that, I think it's easier to bear. Because odds are that nothing's going to change in the near future. I can look forward to several weeks of loneliness before summer camp starts. (I won't be lonely then!!)
And I'm going to accept this as from God's hand. There's got to be a blessing, a gift of some sort, in this somewhere. Stuff doesn't just happen.
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